CURDLE JOURNAL 12/04/08 continued

…11pm

Feeling a bit better, more alert than last few days, and on less coffee, though still had to have a little sleep as soon as the gallery closed. Couple of mates supposed to drop in but didn’t make it, but did make visiting dates for next week, and some art dates, and had a few other folk drop by to hang out. Even had two people who DIDN’T already know about it come in, first one just read the blurb and looked at me and smile before wandering out, but the second one was a lovely lady who works for another gallery and said she’d tell her ‘experimental’ mates about it and see if they want to come to the closing next week.

Still getting sod-all milk, and have pumped four times today already (just about to do one before bed). Really don’t know why- drinking the tea, lots of water, pumping more than ever…did cover half the bottom of the bottle before, which is more than it has been so far but still rather disappointing after over two weeks of (partial to begin with) pumping. And at the end of the day I am really quite itchy all over my face and neck, and my tummy a little weird, which I am suspecting is maybe the milk-thistle tea? Whatever is causing it, it’s a tad frustrating and irritating. Other changes? My breasts are shifting shape it seems, with more and more of them trying to sneak under my armpits (though they are quite impressive when squished together in my nursing bra). My nipples hurt when they even sense the pump coming near, tight and almost stinging, and my tits itch on the inside. And I am getting the odd let-down pang of sharp pain, but not much to show for all of this. Arrrrrgh! Body! Do what I am asking you to do! Please! Do I need to nag? Cajole? Drink more stout? Meditate? Seduce? Beg? Get more sleep?

Recalled a snippet of a dream today, but not which sleep it came from. I had a big glass cylinder, beaker-like, and it was full of milk from different women. But it didn’t look like milk, it was yellowy-brown and crumbly, chalky, powdered, and I was not looking forward to consuming it at all. But I had said that I would, to make some point or another about the wonders of milk, and so I went ahead. I mixed it with water, and it became pure white frothy milk, with possibly a hint of vanilla milkshake about it, and whilst I struggled still with the volume the task was not unpleasant. Gee whiz, wonder what THAT was about then? Filming tomorrow, and then photo shoot, so should pump and head to bed but this is the first time I’ve had in hours to enter stuff into EndNote and generally process the day. Part of me wishes I was out clubbing like any normal weekend, but I know I have to follow this through for better or worse, tedium or transformation. G’nite.