Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Recipe For Induced Lactation

Take two fully-functioning breasts.

Using a manual breast pump, stimulate at least every 5 hours, day and night, for 15 minutes each time.

Motilium. Take 2 x 10mg tablets four times a day, half an hour before meals.

Fenugreek. Take 2x 1000mg tablets four times a day. Smell like maple syrup.

Water. Consume at least 3 litres a day. Pee a lot.

Calendula cream or lanolin. Apply to nipples to alleviate dryness and soreness.

Oats. Eat as much porridge as possible.

Stout. Drink with abandon.

Fennel tea. Tastes foul so drink one pot whenever you are feeling brave.

Milk thistle tea. Drink as a reward for keeping down the fennel.

Recipes and results vary according to local custom, medical advice, and individual levels of patience and persistence.


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